A commitment

Maybe I should really make a commitment to do something productive. Like something inside me tells me I should rock out and be the musician I want to be and could easily be. You know you have a lot to give and only so many ways to give it. Maybe I should really make a commitment to being the parent Grace deserves and the parent I want to be. She is an amazing child (as all God's children are) but you know there is something super special about this one. She has something that I could never have. I don't know what it is but it is truly something extraordinary. Maybe I should make a commitment to fighting the truth and give in to my insight. There is only so many times God is going to slap me across my face and tell me to listen. Not that He is going to give up but there are little signs and then there are big signs. He doesn't want to give you the big signs. Maybe I should make a commitment to making a commitment to something in my life. I wish it were that easy and I just could forgive myself and let go of the control and let the fear take over for just one minute just to be distinguished moments later. Forgive myself for all of those things that I wish I could take back from all of anyone who's anyone in my life that I have hurt. I know I am a sinner and am forgiven by grace but it is much harder for that self forgiveness. Where is my commitment to myself?