I am frustrating

You know I know this:
I am frustrating
I am difficult
I am emotional
and I am dramatic.

You know I know this:
I am intense
I am stubborn
I am irritating
and I am beyond crazy


But you know that I know
that without all of this I am not me.
I would be boring and plain and common.
If this is what you would like
If this is what you would enjoy
Just feel free to go
Just feel free to leave
and I am sorry to be me.

A commitment

Maybe I should really make a commitment to do something productive. Like something inside me tells me I should rock out and be the musician I want to be and could easily be. You know you have a lot to give and only so many ways to give it. Maybe I should really make a commitment to being the parent Grace deserves and the parent I want to be. She is an amazing child (as all God's children are) but you know there is something super special about this one. She has something that I could never have. I don't know what it is but it is truly something extraordinary. Maybe I should make a commitment to fighting the truth and give in to my insight. There is only so many times God is going to slap me across my face and tell me to listen. Not that He is going to give up but there are little signs and then there are big signs. He doesn't want to give you the big signs. Maybe I should make a commitment to making a commitment to something in my life. I wish it were that easy and I just could forgive myself and let go of the control and let the fear take over for just one minute just to be distinguished moments later. Forgive myself for all of those things that I wish I could take back from all of anyone who's anyone in my life that I have hurt. I know I am a sinner and am forgiven by grace but it is much harder for that self forgiveness. Where is my commitment to myself?

Two Rants

1. This government shutdown thing is crap. I feel really bad for all of my friends who will not have enough money to pay bills and feed their kids until this crap government figures this stuff out. And as I have just read, it is all over Planned Parenthood. :/ Not happy. Where is the Donald when you need him? jk

2. This royal wedding nonsense. The only reason why we in America know anything about this is because the media wants us to know and care. Yes, the possibility of it being a cool wedding is awesome but we are American and not British. The British have every right to be excited since it is the future king and queen of their country. Not us though. WHY WOULD,SHOULD, COULD WE CARE?

Growing

So I bought a pattern the other day for Grace's Christmas dress this year. My mom makes one every year and I have discovered that if you don't buy the pattern when you see it you may not be able to find it again. So I bought it. I called my mom and told her. She was cool with that and we started talking about another dress she is going to make Grace this summer. She asked me if I would measure Grace again before I head back up to Wyoming. She said that the last time Grace was there she measured her height as 31". This was in early March. I then found my tapemeasure and measured her. I was pretty sure she had grown but I was wasn't expecting these results. She was now 33 1/2". She grew 2 1/2 inches since the beginning of March. No wonder she had been keeping me up at night and had been eating so much and was sooooo cranky. I don't think she is done either. She kept me up most of the night last night. :/ I am super tired today. Luckily my schedule isn't really that demanding today. On another Grace related note, she is not going to the potty for me. She does it all day at daycare and never messes her panties but that is the first thing she does when she gets home. I tried to have a heart to heart with her yesterday about it but she just was not convinced that going  pee on the potty at home was a good idea. Any suggestions? I have tried to give her rewards, sticking her on the pot first thing in the morning, singing, dancing and none of these things work with her. It is super frustrating.

Men are big babies

I hope I get an Amen for this rant.
I love, love, love my boyfriend, don't get me wrong, but when he gets even the slightest sniffle he is such a big baby. My brother was the same way, as was my step dad, my dad and ex-husband. Why is this? I drag my but up no matter how I feel and usually I just take something so I can go on with my life. I don't have time to complain about being sick. Like right now, I  have allergies that I have to take meds for. Spring is the worst for me in this area. It even affects my singing voice and my hearing. But do I complain about them, no, not really. If someone asks, yes, I will talk about it but I am not one for sympathy for being sick. So why are men so awful when it comes to being sick? Enlighten me, someone please?

Grace has been wearing panties to daycare now and doing well there. Still no progress at home but I am sure we will get there soon.
I am thinking about running Jack Quinn's tonight for the first time since I got my shirt in Sept. This should be fun. :/ I am just feel so yucky. I know it is due to being super busy during the fall with work and school and J and my accident in January set me back a bit too. It is not time to get moving. I am going to California in June, which means I may have to be seen in public in a bathing suit. I know there will be no comparison between me (cellulite and pouchy belly post baby) and the teenage girls ( no cellulite ever and flattest of flat tummys) I will be going with. I gotta try though. It's not like I am going to be out to impress anyone or to pick anyone up, I just want to feel not fat in a swimsuit. Anyone feel me on this?

The good and the bad

The good- I am the most blessed to have A. a daughter who is the most beautiful, the funniest, the sassiest, and the bossiest person in my life. I truly love waking up to her saying "Care Bears, Mama, Care Bears." or " I want chocolate milk" (which is not really chocolate milk, but a protein shake, lol). B. a boyfriend who truly wants to be with me, Megan, and not me, Sgt Crabtree, or me, Megan the party girl. He loves my facial expressions even if he has no clue what they all mean, and my not so good taste in music lol. C. a family that is most supportive, patient, and tolerant of my antics, pie in the sky ideas, and moods. This is the good.

The bad- my apartment. I am about to leave this hunk of junk place. My landlord is awesome but I have gotten my car broken into and my radio stolen, my hoodies stolen out of the washer, and this stupid noisy courtyard in which I can hear everyone all the time. Ugh!!!

Old friends

Today has been a pretty good day. Grace did not sleep well on Friday night so I knew I was in for a day come the morning. We slept in and then went to the store. She was pretty good. Then it began. She was cranky, cranky, cranky. :/ We had two great shows though. My solo went well enough. What was really cool today though, is that I got to see my friend of many years, Alesia. I have known her since I was in 6th grade, she was in 5th. She is down here from Rock Springs, doing some Zumba training. Good for her.:) We broke open a bottle of wine and we caught up. She is great and always will be. Every time I see or talk to her, it is like no time has passed at all. That is how a friendship should be.

Who is listening today?

Sorry if yesterday seemed like I didn't want to go with my kids on tour. I really do, it is just hard to be away all the time from Grace and J. I don't feel like I live a normal life since I don't have a traditional weekend and because I am going away for days at a time. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It is really great. And I really love my kids. They make the job worth it. I just want to have my cake and eat it too. One day perhaps.

Today is the first GOLA performance. It should be fun. I got some new make up to wear. I love doing my stage make-up. There is something so transforming about it. This is why I love Halloween as well. I can totally be someone else. Speaking of Halloween, J and I have an idea already of what we want to do, but I can't tell you guys yet. We need to do some specifics on exactly what we need but it will be really cool and I get to put make-up J! Yay! I can, however, tell you that I think I am going to make Grace a gnome. She will be so cute :)

Grace has gotten taller all of a sudden. I put a dress on her today that was long enough a few weeks ago and today it was almost too short. I had to find a diaper cover for her panties. My little Bean is not so little anymore. :( I remember when she was barely 6 lbs and fit into the crook of my arm and body and we would take naps. She is two and half, I know, but she is no longer a baby but a little girl.

My rant today

Yesterday consisted of having a bday party for P2 at the church (he turned 72), having lunch with J at La Baguette (he had never been there), and having full dress rehearsal for GOLA singing and all. It was a busy but not a bad day. Grace was is a relatively decent mood and put herself to bed last night. Yay!
Today is going to be some homework time and catching up with some home stuff since I will be working Saturday (which I usually don't work). I have already dropped Grace off at daycare and have went to Walgreens for a few items.

Here is my rant. What is wrong with the concert season this year? I keep on looking for concerts to go to this summer and either A. the people I like are not coming even remotely close to us or B. they are not touring at all or C. the concert dates they do have in Denver are when I am not going to be here. As Charlie Brown (or a pirate) says, "Arghhhhh". All I want to do is see some good concerts with J this summer but nooooo. I really want to see a concert at Red Rocks and I am on their email list for announcements. Today I get this announcement that one of J's absolute favorite artists of all time is going to be there WHEN I AM ON THE HAND BELL TOUR IN CALI WITH MY KIDS JUNE 13TH!!!! WHY ME!!? Why do I also live in a place where there isn't great live music? When I go to Salt Lake City during the summer they always have some really good live music. People want to play SLC  and not Denver or Colorado Springs? WTF? I don't get it.

Gallery Rehersal- Night 1 (for me at least)

So, I am in this production at the church called The Gallery of Living Art. If you don't know what it is, it is a still life, life-size version of famous works of art with human players chronicling the passion of Christ's few days. We dress up in costume, wigs and make-up and stand very still for 3-4 minutes whilst the choir sings a song about what the scene is representing. It's pretty cool and a very big deal here at the church. In prior years, I have just been in the choir. This year, however, I have chosen to also do a scene and then run up and sing after. Pretty...dang...fun! It reminds me a lot of the old days of doing musicals at Rock Springs High School with Alan Keller (aka. George the director) minus the scathing criticism. Lots of people running around, many a backstage antic, and me looking like a chicken with my head cut off. Fantastic.
So last night we had our large scene rehearsal which I had to go to. I am in a scene called the Triumphal Entry. It depicts Jesus riding through Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. I am some woman next to a dog with a kid on her back. It all works out. We had to line up in order of appearance out in the green room and I had to grab my dog. We all walked out on the stage, positioned ourselves and froze. In this scene, there are also three little girls who are throwing flowers at his feet. I am in eye shot of one of these girls. She is an adopted Chinese girl who is 6 I think. Just the cutest kid. I found myself instead of looking at Jesus, who is played by Katie's brother-in-law Aaron, looking at this girl and trying to make her laugh by making facial expressions and winking. Poor little one didn't stand a chance against my rubber face. lol
And where was Grace during this whole thing, you may be asking? She was in the nursery playing with all her little friends getting all crazy. Super fun to take that one home and put her to bed.
And so it goes. Tonight will be the full on dress rehearsal with the choir. I know I will be here until 10pm. Ugh! On the bright side, though, I found this product called Vocal Eze that is supposed to help my voice. This will be nice since I am out of practice singing for that long (and hour straight for 4 performances over 3 days). Thank God, J and went to Guitar Center the other day and found that.
Pray for my voice people!

D Day?

Howdy followers,
Today I am going to post my first blog. Why? Well I just believe I need another outlet for my interesting goings on in life besides yakking someone's ear off or just crying about it. :/
So let me get you up to snuff. My name is Megan Jayne Crabtree, formerly Megan Jayne Slinden. I am 30 years old.  I currently live in Colorado Springs, CO with my daughter Grace (more about her later) and Desmond aka Debit the cat. I also have a boyfriend whom I will call J Corey to not involve him in by name for his sake. Other major players in my life consistantly are young bestie Katie (she's 21, almost 22), Alyssa (my real life Jersey girl), Jimmy(ex hubby who is not so cool), plus assorted and various work associates through the Army Reserves and through Church. As I have just mentioned, I work for 1. a church with 6th-12th grade teenagers and 2. the Army Reserves (it is my 9th year affliated with Army in one way or another). I have lived all over the world and have experienced many things in my life. Yay!

On to the blogging part.

Today is 29 March, 2011. Grace's Exploits
Grace pooped in the tub again last night. And not just a nugget or two, it was many nuggets all over the floor and in the tub. She thought she was real cute. J Corey and I did not, however, find it tremedously funny. Again, he took her after I sprayed her off and put her in a pull-up and pjs and put her to bed. I,however, got the glorious and thankless task of picking out all the nuggets from the bathmat, putting them into a toilet, and bleaching the tub and her toys. She did this last week as well, only difference was was that she actually was kind enough to take the toys and herself out of the tub and pretend to start cleaning them. Grrr, that kid. Thankfully, she was in great mood this morning for me. Yay! She didn't put up much of a fight getting dressed or getting into the car. She even put on her jacket. There was no crying on the way to daycare and she was happy to see Miss Carla (daycare lady/owner) when we got there. She is my special girl.